Lesson 451: Forget ABout Bread

Almost two weeks ago I went grocery shopping. That in and of itself is a major grown-up task for me, and I was incredibly proud of the fresh fruit and vegetables in my cart- and lack of instant mac & cheese, frozen pizzas, and ice cream... strike that, ice cream did make its way amongst my baby carrots and bananas...my only excuse is that I'm human. And it's hot out. And dammit, everyone likes ice cream!

Anyway, thinking I was saving some money I picked up a mildly mashed loaf of whole wheat and oatmeal bread from the discount/old as fuck bakery goods shelf. It was a whole $0.50 cheaper than my normal bread. "Eh, who cares if my peanut butter and fluff sandwiches are a bit floppy?" I thought and tossed it into my cart.

Now, it's July in Boston and humid as a Swiss Naked Man Spa, and I JUST remembered my cast-out-by-social-norms-yet-lovable loaf of delicious whole grains. Mostly because I've been a lazy ass for the past week and a half, and instead of making a sandwich for my lunch at work I've simply tossed random food items into my lunchbag and called it good: yogurt, trail mix, two clementines, applesauce, granola bar, baggie of rosemary and olive oil Triscuits, baby carrots, and a bottle of cold as ice (willing to sacrifice) water. All sort of healthy choices for snacks, but somehow together I like to think of them as a Healthy Snacks on Steroids lunch. Plus there are free snacks at work, and I totally undermine everything I packed by grabbing PopTarts, caramel popcorn, brownie-cookies, etc throughout the day..

Back to this morning: I cautiously opened the breadbox and peered into its depths. Aha! My bread is still in there, huzzah! I hauled it out and low and behold I was growing things on the top of my bread. Green fuzzy things. With some white fuzzy things mixed in there. So I did what any normal anti-adult would do.

I stuck it in the freezer.

Reasons for doing so:

1) To not waste the $1.50 I spent: I will take pieces of bread out periodically, scrape the growing things off into the trash, thaw the bread slices, create a sandwich to delight my taste buds, and repeat.

2) I'm lazy.

My life is a hot mess...